Hey Mama

Aimee over at The Mother Load just posted, in her hilariously funny way, her 10 Things I Didn't Know Before I Became a Mom, and I thought I would follow suit, even though I'm not as funny nor as good of a writer. So here it is:

Ten Things I Didn't Know Before I Became A Mom:

10. I did not know how specific you have to be as a mother. Example:

• "Blow your nose with a tissue", because otherwise she will just shoot snot out of her nose and onto the nearest person or object, as she did here.
• "Wash your hands in the sink" because otherwise she will wash them in the toilet. I cannot refer back to a blog post about it because it happened pre-blog, but it happened.

9. Like Aimee, I did not realize that every trip to the bathroom would be not only with an audience but also dramatically and loudly narrated by said audience, and that the audience would also expect a brief question and answer period as a follow up to what had transpired.

8. That letting my daughter her make her own mistakes and be her own person is good for her, but agonizing for me (when it goes poorly, that is).

7. That little baby boys really do pee on you when you let your guard down during diaper changes, almost every time.

6. That just the sight of either of my children can sometimes bring me to tears of joy.

5. That something as simple as just getting out of the car with two children, one of whom is an infant, can take ten minutes, three trips between the car and the house, and occasionally results in two out of the three of us crying.

4. That I would spend so much time fixated on what is coming out of my children, from where, and with what frequency and quantity: Did he poo today? How many times did he poo? Did she poo? Is that pee on his onesie? Was that throw-up or spit? In the same disgusting vein, I did not know that I would willingly pick someone else's nose, or that I would be so interested in the color and consistency of what emerged.

3. I did not know that my parents were telling the truth when they said the old "this will hurt me more than it hurts you" line. It can be agonizing. Sometimes it isn't, but most of the time is it. And I am referring to punishment in general, not spanking, although I'm certain it holds true for both.

2. That I wouldn't be able to refrain from laughing when she did something like loudly and forcefully pass gas in a quiet church cafeteria meeting. I wrongly assumed that with motherhood came the ability to not be amused by by things like that, but that didn't happen to me. I frequently laugh at things I shouldn't.

1. That I could feel a sense of pride and overwhelming love but also a little sadness and regret every time she does something that shows me she is growing up. She is becoming a strong, independent, beautiful and creative little girl, and I am thrilled for her while also acutely aware that every step leads her further away from me. But that is how it is supposed to be. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.

So there you go. Happy Mother's Day to all!