Why?

I want to know why I cannot go into nesting mode on, say, a Sunday afternoon. Or a Tuesday morning. Or before midnight, really. Last night, after consuming a bowl of spaghetti, I zoned out on the sofa for an hour or so. I laid there, watching CSI: Miami, hating David Caruso and berating myself for not getting up and doing something. I actually drifted off to sleep for some indeterminable amount of time - I think it was about twenty minutes - when I woke up, absolutely stricken with the urge to finish cleaning the kitchen. It had to happen. I was putting something away in the fridge and thought, gosh, I need to clean out the fridge. While cleaning out the fridge I sat something on the stove and noted that my burner pans could use a good cleaning. After dismantling the stovetop and giving it all a good cleaning, I saw a box of clothes that had not been unpacked, so I switched rooms and started cleaning and sorting and putting away in our bedroom, occasionally going back into the kitchen to swipe at something with antibacterial cleaner, just for good measure. I made myself lay down around 1:30am, but still couldn't fall asleep for another half hour - I laid there, begging for sleep, and could only think of all the things that needed to be done around the house.

My sister-in-law is throwing me a small, family baby shower this weekend, which will be at my house. Ack! Grandparents, Aunts and in-laws, all under my roof at the same time. That's not even mentioning my father and my stepmother. My stepmother is a devoted and loving wife to my father, who means the best and wants the best for us, but the woman acts (at least I think, nay, hope it's an act) stupid around other people for some reason. The last time she was around my in-laws my mother-in-law followed her around making faces at her behind her back and doing that universal 'crazy' sign, where you twirl your fingers around your ears. I hope everyone behaves.

I was talking to my Aunt last night and she asked me what I needed, and I was stumped. What do I need? I literally had not thought about it. I knew I needed a car seat, and had already hit my father up for one, but outside of that, I didn't know. I realized I don't have a lot of those long sleeve, warm pajama sleeper things, I have no baby bath gear - towels, washcloths, CLR (that was for you, Clark), things like that. I have a metric TON of receiving blankets, I have a smattering on onesies in various sizes. I don't have any baby socks. While I was thinking about all this, I started to feel very ill prepared. And then there's the matter of the weather. It's usually still cold around the end of January around here, so I know I need some warm newborn stuff. But how long will he be in newborn clothes? I mean, I had a friend whose son never fit into newborn sizes - he came out needing 3-6 month sized clothes. He'll be fine. I suppose I have reached that point where my hormones have completely taken over, and they are doing a fine job of inciting panic. I need a boppie! And a breast pump! And a diaper bag! And diapers! I feel completely unprepared. I think that is the hormones talking. It will be fine, I will be fine, he will be fine, it will all be fine. On a completely unrelated note, this child gets the hiccups more often than any other fetus in the world, I think. He had them last night for what seemed like HOURS, and he has them again now. Bless his little heart.

I'm going to go drink my one cup of coffee I allow myself. And try to calm down. I'm exhausted, and frantic, and just need to settle down, but not so much that I fall asleep. Because that is generally frowned upon, sleeping at work.