Up Yours, Always

I tend to be brand loyal. For some products, when I find something that works for me, I stick with it. The selection of feminine hygiene products is a fine example. A very personal thing, pads and whatnot, and there is a myriad of brands and options available. With or without wings, scented or unscented, regular or super, flushable applicators, quiet wrapping, I could go on and on. I have long been an avid fan of a particular Always product. Always has gone through some changes, and every time I would be slightly terrified: are they going to change? Will my favorite Always product be discontinued? But, the classics never go out of style, so I have been safe, thus far. I have seen Always through packaging changes, logo changes, and a temporary per-product assignation of colorful shapes that was dropped rather quickly after they kept changing the shapes and confusing the consumer.

I have one complaint with Always: the little tear-off strip that covers the wings is emblazoned, not just once but over and over, with the phrase "Have a happy period".


What? Uh-uh. There's very little happiness to be found in periods. Except for when they are over. Don't condescend to me, Always. I'm not in the mood. Don't tell me to have a happy period. I'm bloated, cramping, have a headache that would kill a lesser person, I am bleeding in an uncomfortable place, and I think I smell funny. What do I have to be happy about? Up yours, Always. Every time I see that little phrase it just cheeses me off. Would Valtrex include the phrase 'Have a happy herpes outbreak' on their product? I don't think so. Would Monistat put 'Have a happy yeast infection' on their packaging? NO. Smug Always bastards.

There are far better ideas for that tear-off strip. Here are mine:
-Jokes. Print jokes. Possibly off-color, or about men. That would lighten up the experience.
-A story in parts. Or a poem. Every pad would have one line, or paragraph, progressing through a package of pads. Or maybe limericks. That would be awesome.
-Cartoons. Maybe political in nature, or just standard cartoons. Like the Family Circus. You could sit there, laughing and shaking your head and saying, "Oh, that Jeffy".
-Sell it as advertising space. While annoying, you could at least appreciate the ingenuity.

That's my rant for the day. I'm gone to fire off a hormonally charged e-mail to the Always company. I love their product, but hate their message.