Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Six Weird Things About Me

Teresa tagged me for this. Six weird things about me:

1.) I hate, and will avoid at all costs whenever possible, making left turns in traffic where there is no traffic light. If there is a light around, I will go blocks out of my way to turn there instead. I will do it, but I hate to. It doesn't make me cry, but it makes me terribly anxious for a bit.

2.) I cannot and will not sleep with an arm or a leg hanging off the bed. I also generally cannot sleep with my feet uncovered, although there are some exceptions. To me these scenarios make you ripe picking for the monster lurking under the bed. And I don't seriously think that there is a monster under the bed, so I suppose maybe these are lingering childhood habits. Or else there's something seriously wrong with me.

3.) If I have to get out of bed to turn the bedroom light off, I literally run and jump back into bed before said lurking monster (see number two, above) can grab my feet and pull me under. Again, a childhood holdover, I suppose, and quite annoying to Brian when I run and take a flying jump into the bed he's attempting to fall asleep in.

4.) I can't stand MySpace, and avoid it. I don't find this weird, but most of the people I know love it obsessively and find my dislike to be outright bizarre. There's no particular reason, it's just not for me.

5.) I always eat the outside edge of a hamburger or sandwich first, thereby getting crust or the non-meat, cheese and condiment filled part of a bun out of the way, leaving the savory inner part of said sandwich or hamburger for last. I highly recommend this, you should try it at least once, it's a great way to savor the flavor (oh, I'm a poet).

6.) I will eat shrimp, depending on the manner in which it is cooked, and I will go fishing, and catch fish, and take them off hooks and such, but I will not generally eat fish. And cleaning up after the cooking of fish is vile to me; I once stood at the kitchen sink, cleaning out a pan that Brian's father had baked some fish in, scrubbing and gagging. I don't know why, it just completely grossed me out.

Bonus: FedEx's new scanner has the smallest signature area I've ever seen, and after some weeks of trying to cram my signature into the tiny space provided, I have abondoned all attempts at an actual signature and started drawing random shapes. Just this morning, minutes ago, I drew a lovely pyramid. The other day I made a cheerful little star. That's not really weird, but it's not exactly normal, either, so I thought I would include it.

Weird is all in the eye of the beholder, I think. I'm proud to be weird, and enjoy it when people say I'm strange. You're strange, I'm strange, whatever. I enjoy the eccentric people in my company more, because they keep life interesting.

I am apparently supposed to 'tag' people, but I don't know anyone else, so I suppose the chain stops here. My bad.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

This Reminds Me of Someone

You know who you are. I enjoy Brian Andreas, it's whimsical, if not a little campy and hokey and sometimes, he doesn't make any sense whatsoever but then, who does? In case you can't make it out, the quote on the print says:

"You're the strangest person I ever met, she said & I said, you too & we decided we'd know each other a long time".

Darn tootin. I want a print of this particular piece, and I shall have it, but for now I'm fine to think about the little quote and smile. A good weekend to all!

Please Drive Through

It is high time that some rules were established, some common courtesy and etiquette dictated for the use of fast food drive-through windows. Myself, I generally prefer to go inside a restaurant and order - I find face-to-face communication to be far more effective, and the chances of something being wrong with your order decrease dramatically. I will patronize a drive-through if I am attired in a manner inappropriate for public viewing, like a swimsuit, or pajamas (natty pajamas - anyone who knows me is well aware I am not above wearing pajamas in public). I also generally choose the drive-through on my lunches from work, because I don't really want to be around people. So I will hit the drive-through, get my food, and go to a park somewhere or go sit by the bay and eat, blissfully alone, the only noise being 'All Things Considered' or some similar NPR program on the car radio.

There should be requirements for even entering the drive-through lane. Maybe a big sign. If you attempt to use a drive-through teller at a bank, there are requirements there, discreet little signs posted along the entrance saying things like, "The drive-through teller is for account holders only" and "Please have all deposit forms completed before entering" and whatnot. Why can't fast food restaurants do the same?
I have some suggestions. If you pull into a fast food establishment and are debating drive-through versus walk-in, take a moment to consider the following:

Do you have a vague idea of what you might like to order? If the answer is yes, proceed to the drive-through. If the answer is no, get your lazy ass out of the car and walk inside. If you have to ask a question like, "Ummmmmmm...What makes the Asian salad Asian?" or "Can you give me a list of the ingredients in your oil?" then you need to go inside. Or possibly home. Some other factors to consider:

Do you have a large order? Are you picking up lunch for yourself and six co-workers? Were you on the losing end of a rock-paper-scissors game to see who had to go pick up dinner for you and your fifteen friends? Go inside. This should be obvious, but to many it is not.

Do you need to pay separately for each individual meal, even though you are buying twelve individual meals? GO INSIDE. Are you trolling underneath your passenger seat for change to pay for your meal? Park, complete the trolling, and go inside to mull over what you can get for $1.39 in pennies.

Do you need a menu suggestion? Go somewhere else entirely, it's fast food, not gourmet fine dining. Do not pull up to a drive-through and ask the disembodied, static-y voice, "So what's good here?" If they were honest they would answer, "For you, nothing, because once you finally decide what to order we will punish you for wasting our time by dropping your food on the floor, or by giving you old, smelly lettuce or covering your sandwich in the mayonnaise that someone accidentally left by the grill for four hours. And Jim has a cold, so there's no telling what else could happen".

It's all about common sense and courtesy. The drive-through lane was created to speed up the ordering process, and should not be abused by those who are merely lazy or stupid. This is an actual conversation I overheard at a McDonald's the other day, which inspired this post:

Minivan Driving Idiot: Can I get chocolate milk with that happy meal?
Poor McDonald's Employee: I'm sorry, maam, we're out of chocolate milk
MDI: How can you be out of chocolate milk?
PME: I'm sorry, maam, we just ran out
MDI: Do you have regular milk?
PME: Yes, maam, would you like that, instead?
MDI: Can you use that to make chocolate milk?
PME: Um, no maam
MDI: Fine, just give me a coke, and does that come with apples or oranges?
PME: You can get apple slices
MDI: Hmm, could I get orange slices instead?
PME: We don't have orange slices
MDI: You can't just give me orange slices instead of apples?
PME: No, maam, because we don't have oranges
MDI: So you're telling me I can't have oranges, I have to get apples

And it went on and on, for seven minutes, because I timed it. I was fascinated and repulsed all at the same time. She bought three happy meals and three combo meals, and insisted on paying for them separately. She violated most of the rules of drive-through etiquette: asked about the oil, even threatened legal action, at one point, over wheat products and gluten. It was utterly insane.

So, I say, people of the world, unite, against bad-mannered, thoughtless idiots, clogging and congesting our drive-through lanes with their stupid questions and comments and needy ways. Taking up our precious time that we can never get back, saying things like, "And if it isn't decaf coffee, I'll know". Let's take back the drive-through. Or we could just go inside. :-) Whatever.