There is something wrong with me

Aside from the obvious emotional problems, that is. I'm itchy. Some places in particular are worse than others, but my skin is dry and itchy. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME. I cannot express that enough. When words fail, you are left with google images:



I love that web site. An illustration for everything that ails you. SWEET.

Up Yours, Always

I tend to be brand loyal. For some products, when I find something that works for me, I stick with it. The selection of feminine hygiene products is a fine example. A very personal thing, pads and whatnot, and there is a myriad of brands and options available. With or without wings, scented or unscented, regular or super, flushable applicators, quiet wrapping, I could go on and on. I have long been an avid fan of a particular Always product. Always has gone through some changes, and every time I would be slightly terrified: are they going to change? Will my favorite Always product be discontinued? But, the classics never go out of style, so I have been safe, thus far. I have seen Always through packaging changes, logo changes, and a temporary per-product assignation of colorful shapes that was dropped rather quickly after they kept changing the shapes and confusing the consumer.

I have one complaint with Always: the little tear-off strip that covers the wings is emblazoned, not just once but over and over, with the phrase "Have a happy period".


What? Uh-uh. There's very little happiness to be found in periods. Except for when they are over. Don't condescend to me, Always. I'm not in the mood. Don't tell me to have a happy period. I'm bloated, cramping, have a headache that would kill a lesser person, I am bleeding in an uncomfortable place, and I think I smell funny. What do I have to be happy about? Up yours, Always. Every time I see that little phrase it just cheeses me off. Would Valtrex include the phrase 'Have a happy herpes outbreak' on their product? I don't think so. Would Monistat put 'Have a happy yeast infection' on their packaging? NO. Smug Always bastards.

There are far better ideas for that tear-off strip. Here are mine:
-Jokes. Print jokes. Possibly off-color, or about men. That would lighten up the experience.
-A story in parts. Or a poem. Every pad would have one line, or paragraph, progressing through a package of pads. Or maybe limericks. That would be awesome.
-Cartoons. Maybe political in nature, or just standard cartoons. Like the Family Circus. You could sit there, laughing and shaking your head and saying, "Oh, that Jeffy".
-Sell it as advertising space. While annoying, you could at least appreciate the ingenuity.

That's my rant for the day. I'm gone to fire off a hormonally charged e-mail to the Always company. I love their product, but hate their message.

Thank You, Teresa

I was actually in the process of writing a post earlier which I had titled "I am so freaking thankful", and it was very dire and grim and full of dread and woe. And then I got my present from Teresa, and it made me happy. And I am really freaking thankful now. It wasn't the material gift, although I certainly appreciated it. It was the fact that she just sent me something because she's good and nice and sweet, therefore restoring my faith in....well, everything. Thank you, Teresa. And thank you, Jen. I am thankful for my sisters, because they remind me of what family is all about. Because, regardless of the fact that we are three people who are SOOOOOO very different, we can still get together and laugh and giggle and argue good naturedly. The baptist theologian, the pagan, and the confused soon-to-be catholic. I love you guys, and I'm glad to have you around. And because I think Dad is trying to defect from our family, and if we don't have each other we won't have squat. Love y'all!

Meet Butterscotch

Jacelyn loves this horsey. I was looking at it on Amazon this morning, and check this out:

* Furreal Friends Butterscotch Pony. Every girls dream of having her very own Pony... and now that dream can come true!
* This amazing animatronic Pony moves head and ears, and blinks its eyes! This fantastic creature responds to touch and voice, 'eats' a carrot, and makes real pony sounds.
* The FurReal Friends Butterscotch Pony comes with carrot and brush. Requires 6 'D' batteries, not included.
* Adults take note: Pony comes unassembled in box with head detatched.
* You may wish to not open the box around your children if they may be frightened by a box with a decapitated horse inside.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. What if you weren't aware of Butterscotch's headless state, and just left it in the box? I can picture Jacelyn excitedly tearing open the Butterscotch box only to discover a severed horse's head inside. It could make that awkward mane brushing a little easier, I suppose. Or you could use it to send a message to someone. It would be really creepy if the head contains the batteries and moves independently of the body. WEIRD. Who comes up with this crap? "Yeah, pull the head off, saves on shipping!".

Another little tidbit from Amazon:

"Kids can even sit on Butterscotch and she will gently bounce."

Hmmm, maybe we DO need one of these.

Hey, Teresa.....

I got it. "Harry for the Holidays", baby. It's quite good. It has a more New Orleans sound than his earlier CD, a little more gumbo in it, to quote a friend of mine. The first track is 'Frosty the Snowman', and has such good brass in it that I actually got goosebumps. How nerdy is that? Musical goosebumps. But I just wanted to gloat, it is mine, it is mine, it is mine. Sweet!

I am DISGUSTING

Taking a page from dear Mike, I decided to express my feelings via items found on the much-beloved google images. I have been sick. I feel like this:



With a little bit of this:



I have had a stomach bug for a week. I think I am starting the upswing, but I am unsure. I'm afraid to eat. I haven't been drinking ANY coffee, and for those of you that know me that is a big deal. Blurg. Here's hoping I feel much, much better by church time tomorrow, so I don't have end up locked in the ladies room during the Rite of Acceptance.